Saturday, May 9, 2009

Mother of the Year: Astrids' mother narcissist and neglecting behavior

Ingrid Magnussen, mother of Astrid in the movie "White Oleander" is a very complicated and complex woman who does not know or for that matter, does not care about her daughter Astrid.  Throughout the movie, Ingrid says that she has always cared and looked out for Astrid, when in reality she uses her daughter as a conduit for drawing attention to herself.  As a result, Astrid is strictly there to fill her mother's need and desire for attention.  By definition, a narcissist is someone who has "... unrealistic sense of self-importance, cannot take criticism, manipulate people, and lack empathy" (King, 2008, pg. 556).  In the movie "White Oleander" there are many different scenes in which Ingrid demonstrates her narcissist personality.  One scene in particular is shown here:   In this scene, we are just introduced to Astrid and her mother, Ingrid.  In one specific part in this scene, approximately five minutes and thirty-nine seconds in and finishes around six minutes and twenty-nine seconds.  Ingrid is brushing Astrid's hair while they are looking at Ingrid's newest art creation.  When Ingrid asks what Astrid thinks of her newest creation, Astrid says that she thinks it is great.  It is after this that Ingrid demonstrates her narcissist personality.  Instead of taking Astrid's compliment, she tells Astrid that she is not "really looking" and that she cannot be a good artist if she does not see why they are great.  Ingrid then asks Astrid to tell her why she thinks they are great; in which Astrid stands up and examines the pictures more closely.  It is this type of behavior, this longing for approval and admiration for others in order to make themselves feel better, that narcissists crave and desire from others.  In this scene and in many other scenes, Ingrid demonstrates her narcissist behavior by craving attention from people around her and focusing solely on the problems and issues that affect her.  Her narcissist behavior also causes problems in how she handles relationships with other people as well as how she handles and reacts to criticism.  Her problem with relationships is demonstrated quite well in her relationship with Barry.  As a narcissist, Ingrid wants everyone to pay attention to her and focus on her and when Barry continues to call her at work, she tries to play it off like he is annoying her when really she craves the attention.  However, when he does not call her after returning from a trip, Ingrid becomes angry and frustrated and believes that he with other women and since she has problems coping with rejection, she goes overboard and kills Barry when she goes to his house and he says he has another date.  This demonstrates that Ingrid's inability to adequately cope with rejection along with her inability to form healthy relationships with other people go hand in hand with each other and in the case of Barry, can lead to some very dire consequences.  I apologize because I could not post this video directly to this blog.  To view this video of Ingrid's narcissist behavior, go to the main blog page and click on the video entitled White Oleander part 1 with the sub-caption "Ingrid's narcissist behavior", the scene begins at 5 minutes and 38 seconds and ends around 6 minutes and 27 seconds.  Or go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-PpLxeL0qk



Ingrid's narcissist behavior is certainly not something that will help her with being a good mother.  In "
White Oleander", near the end of the movie when Astrid confronts her mother to tell her th
e truth about 
her father, she discovers that when she was first born, Ingrid dropped Astrid off at a neighbor's house and did not come back for almost a year; give or take a few months.  This type of behavior, the disregard for your child's well-being and no concern for where they are is typical of a 
neglectful parent.  Ingrid describes how when she left Astrid, she did not have to worry about where Astrid was or constantly tending to Astrid's needs.  As a result of her neglectful behavior and unconcern for Astrid's well-being, Ingrid ends up going to jail for killing Barry which then forces Astrid into a series of foster programs that end in disaster; with one mother foster mother trying to shoot her and the other killing herself because of her break-up with her husband.  As a result of all these calamities that have afflicted her, as well as her mother's constant bombardment of criticism and interference, Astrid struggles to develop new relationships with potential friends and foster families for fear of hurting other people.  Ingrid's neglectful behavior toward Astrid is demonstrated in other ways as well.  When Astrid asks her mother is she will be attending parents night, her mother responds, "What can they tell me about you that I don't already know?".  When in reality she does not want to do something for her daughter that will take time away from something she wants to do.  To get a real understanding for the neglect that Ingrid inflicted upon Astrid, go to the link provided below.  This clip begins from the beginning and goes until about 4 minutes and 58 seconds in.  To view this video clip, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCr6DGmyL4s
Overall, Ingrid's neglectful behavior toward her daughter and self-absorbed narcissist behavior are the main reasons that Astrid was put in the positions she was in and if Ingrid had truly been a protective and loving parent like she thought she was, then Astrid would not have been put through all those troublesome and emotionally difficult situations.  As Astrid says, "You look at me . . . and you don't like what you see; but this is the price mother.  This is the price of belonging to you".  In the end, Ingrid performs one final act of kindness, probably the only caring thing she has ever done for daughter by not making her testify.  She allows herself to let go of her daughter and let her live her own life. 








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