Each one of us has a need for a sense of identity. We all are trying to figure out who we are. Throughout White Oleander, Astrid is trying to find her identity apart from her mother. In the opening of the film, Astrid says herself that she used to live in her mother's shadow. An individual's sense of identity is affected by esteem of others, recognition, success, praise, and belonging to someone or something. In Astrid's case, since she "belonged" to Ingrid she was never able to make an identity for herself. Astrid was forced to only associate herself with her mother, Ingrid. She was constantly told by her mother to remember that she was her daughter and that she was perfect. For selfish reasons, I think this was a way for Ingrid to make sure Astrid would stay loyal to her. Ingrid never realized until the end that by overdoing and overemphasizing that fact, all she was doing was slowly losing her daughter. Throughout her time at each foster home, Astrid tried to discover who she really was. It was not until her last visit to her mother in jail that she had a true moment of self awareness. Astrid finds out during her visit that her dad came to see her when she was eight but Ingrid did not allow it. In that moment, I think Astrid truly saw her mother for what she was. Astrid's moment of self-awareness, the moment she finally discovered her sense of identity, was when she said to her mother, "You look at me, and don't like what you see. But this is the price Mother-the price of belonging to you." Ingrid did not like what she saw because of Astrid's appearance, but more importantly she did not like that Astrid made it clear that she had lost all loyalty to her. Before Ingrid went to jail, Astrid thought she needed her because it was only thorough her mother that Astrid knew herself. Her mother was brainwashing her to be exactly like her. Be being separated from her mother, Astrid learned that her mother was not as beautiful or as strong as she once thought. The main lesson she learned though was that being like her mother was actually the farthest thing from what she wanted. She needed to make her own identity so her story could be different from her mom's.
Along with the need for identity, we also have a need for control. Ingrid wanted to be in control of every aspect of her life, from Astrid to her relationships with men. She believed that if she could control her environment she could survive. Ingrid wanted to be perceived as beautiful and strong and in order to do that she needed all of the power. Janet Fitch quotes, "Love is tempermental. Tiring. It makes demands. Love uses you. Changes its mind...but hatred now. That's something you can use. Sculpt. Wield. It's hard or soft, however you need it. Love humilates you. Hatred cradles you," in her novel White Oleander. In the movie, Ingrid pours a glass of milk and throws two white oleander in it. As she is doing this, in the background she is saying, "Love humilates you. Hatred cradles you." This scene really captured Ingrid's need for control and her views about it. Ingrid was a pro at showing hatred. She softly killed Claire with her words during her visit to jail. Ingrid hating Claire was a way for her to cope with the fact that Astrid really liked her and a bond was forming. Ingrid knew that she was beginning to have less and less control of Astrid's life. She also knew that her actions and words during the visit would hurt Astrid and in a way this was comforting to her too.
Ingrid perceived being in love as making a person weak and vulnerable because it makes a person powerless. In Ingrid's mind being independent makes you strong and hatred assists in someone becoming more independent. Love is uncertain because it involves someone other than just you. Hatred, on the other hand, is something that is always certain because it is completely personal. Hatred allows a person to put a wall up to reduce their risk and control feeling too much or any hurt at all. As Fitch says, you are in complete control because you can "sculpt and wield" it however you want depending on the situation. Since Ingrid needed control, and needed it all the time, hatred she thought was her only way of surviving.
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